We Were Us
by KKDollZ
Summary: Follows Callie & Arizona post 11x05 & perhaps, maybe, even up until 11x06 or more..? I'm still deciding because I need to get my thoughts down on paper so to speak-my Calzona feels are just everywhere that this is the only outlet I have to make sense of it. "Callie felt the moisture filling up in her eyes again as she caught the hint of desperation laced in Arizona's angered tone."
1. It's All Over

**A/N:** This is basically me trying to process just what the hell happened with Calzona during 11x05. Honestly, there is just so many circumstances that played a huge role in the make or break factor of their relationship that sometimes I just want to go back and have myself write the missing scenes that I have needed so much- and can't get in Grey's because it is an ensemble cast, and I suppose everyone should have a SL. But, going back to 11x05 I guess the pessimist in me was expecting something like what happened to go down, but the optimistic part of me was rooting for them to make it work and prove the pessimist part of me wrong. I know, for a pessimist- I'm pretty optimistic.

So, this story/chapter was born out of my devotion to Calzona, obviously, but also from DreamGirls. I was watching that movie before I started writing this and apparently everything now reminds me of Callie and Arizona. Isn't it sad how much more damaging these two are to me that my own relationship(s). Not cool Shonda & Co. Anyway, in watching the movie I kinda wished that these two characters went at it as fiercely and intensely as Effie White, in general, and Curtis. There is this one scene where they break out in song with It's All Over and I'm Not Going and I would think that when you're fighting for someone to stay- you fight for them like or...idk at least I would. But in the grande scheme of it- I hope like hell that they do find their way to each other. Chuck and Blair did! Lastly, the name of the fic was inspired by Miranda Lambert's & Keith Urban's We Were Us and the chapter of course you already know.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters. It/they belong to Shonda Rhimes and/or abc. This story is just meant for entertainment purposes and I am not making any profit out of it nor do I intend to. It's just a hobby.

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><p><strong>It's All Over<strong>

_"Her [Him] that I love, I wish to be free - even from me."  
><em>_-Anne Morrow Lindbergh_

Arizona couldn't believe what had just transpired during their latest therapy session, to say that she was completely rendered speechless was a huge understatement. She couldn't even form words to counter argue Callie's present reasons, not that Callie would have given her a chance to anyway and it's part of what angered Arizona the most. Callie was making yet another decision that affected them both, Sofia and their relationship- and this time, Arizona wasn't going to idly stand by as she watched them sink- she'd force them to swim.

"Callie!" Arizona voiced more audibly than the time before. Her steps faltering and uneven, but her determination fully in tact as she followed in pursuit of her wife; who hurriedly paced a short distance ahead of her. "Callie, stop! Talk to me!"

Callie felt the moisture filling up in her eyes again as she caught the hint of desperation laced in Arizona's angered tone. She breathed shakily, dreading the prospect of a new confrontation with her spouse- but knowing it imminent, even in her lame attempts to postpone it.

Shaking herself from the silent reverie, Callie removed her bag from her shoulder and felt her way around in search of the vehicle keys, muttering inaudible obscenities under her breath for having to literally feel her way through the entire contents of her purse. Sighing in defeat; just as she was about to give into Arizona's request, her fingers latched to the metal keys and hastily pulled them out.

Fumbling with the keys in her right hand, Callie swung the purse back onto her shoulder while fighting back unshed tears and forcefully shoving the key into the lock when out of nowhere, Arizona's hand darted out to stop her causing Callie to blink furiously, her surprise taking with it any threat or trace of tears.

"What the hell was that?" She demanded and Callie's breath hitched in her throat with Arizona's tight grip, fingers curling roughly into her arm. Her grasp was strong, probably even more than Arizona intended, and she held on when out of reflex Callie tried to free herself. "You blindsided me in there! How could you do this to me? To us?"

Arizona raked her mind for answers, but came up short of a response. She needed Callie to fill in the blank spaces. "Damn it! Say something, Callie!" She huffed in exasperation, failing to keep Callie's gaze.

"I need you to explain," Arizona pleaded anxiously, searching her face for something, but Callie did her best to look away. "Yesterday, and quite arguably throughout this whole thirty day separation, you felt differently- and we both know it. So what's changed? Because you say 'a separation is the first step to divorce' an-an-and how 'we need more time together' and 'not apart' because that's how we make things work, right?"

Hearing Arizona's plea pulled at Callie's heartstrings though her entire body screamed at her to detach herself from Arizona and leave, but she wouldn't- not in Arizona's frantic state. She deserved more than that and she was going to give her as much.

Reaching for Arizona's hand Callie gently, but coercively, began prying Arizona from her grip around her arm. Her own hand just as quickly releasing Arizona from her hold, watching briefly as it dejectedly fell back to her side. She inhaled slowly and deeply, sparing a quick glance in Arizona's direction that proved to be damaging to Callie's train of thought. Her mind went blank as she tried to think of a way to make Arizona let her go. This was going to be painful- for both of them.

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><p><strong>P.s.<strong> If there is any grammatical errors I apologize in advance- I did spell check it and everything seemed to be in order. Also, the next chapter I foresee to be a lot lengthier..? I'm kinda gonna start it now and from previous writing I do write more than this...probably cause I scrutinize every detail- and because I get so inspired by music and I always fall for the complicated, dark and twisty characters, so when I put that together it makes for a beautiful combination. Anyway yeah...happy reading! xo -A

**TBC...**


	2. Let It Go

**A/N:** Okay I finally finished this chapter, well it's kinda like a two-parter in the vein of Mockingjay Part 1 & 2 lol jk...sorta. So, the song that inspired this chapter was Devlin's Let It Go feat. Labrinth. I also want to thank **jhillman** for the first review and everyone else who has followed after- thanks. I'm still trying to figure out what I really want from this fic. I'll get there, eventually.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters. It/they belong to Shonda Rhimes and/or abc. This story is just meant for entertainment purposes and I am not making any profit out of it nor do I intend to. It's just a hobby.

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><p><strong>Let It Go<strong>

_"Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it."_  
><em>-Ann Landers<em>

Watching Arizona fall apart in front of her very eyes and desperately trying to hold herself together was a heartbreaking image for Callie to take in- especially, when she felt like the sole cause of her pain. Her intentions were never to hurt Arizona in any way, be that: physically, emotionally or verbally. No. Her intentions were the complete opposite.

For the most part, all Callie was ever intent on doing was to care for, love and protect Arizona and in her quest to do just that: maybe she ended up pushing her further away than she ever thought imaginable. The idea of loving someone too much, too hard was a very plausible and a very honest one that hit Callie too close to heart.

In fact, in the midst of all the couples therapy they both found themselves in the center of, Callie allowed herself a moment in which to really dig deep within her and she found truth in Arizona's words from a conversation once had. She didn't really understand with clarity then what she had meant, but the words had resonated with her for some reason, and up until recently- she understood perfectly well.

_'You care like crazy and I love that.'_ She thought, staring sadly into the glossy, cerulean orbs that bore daggers into her own dark ones. If looks could kill.

Thinking back, even in that brief instance, tainted Callie's memory of the intended purpose in which it may have been said, making it synonymous with the failure she felt at being Arizona's wife, and really, anyone's wife for that matter. Which in turn, caused Callie to analyze on how she should have done things differently to perhaps pinpoint the exact moment in which things had been ruined for Arizona and her, but it always came back to her. She was the constant variable in the string of all her failed relationships.

It had always been in Callie's nature to care too much, to feel too deeply, to love so passionately in the way it consumes and convinces you to believe you're in love, and love, above all else- is worth fighting for. Or so it seems, until you begin to give little pieces of yourself to people who don't necessarily deserve your affection and before you realize it, there is nothing more left of you to give.

The truth, that no one ever tells you, is that in giving yourself- you lose yourself and with it your self-respect and any remaining hope of self-validation. Nothing more than the mere shell of your once former self. The pulsating energy of life in you is gone, your faith walks on broken glass, and your mind breaks the vigor spirit of your soul. You settle with the small gestures and accept the façade of love you think you deserve. The silver lining though, always presents itself when you've hit bottom and the veil of pretentious love has been lifted. You come to realize that the time spent on forcing love to happen would have been better spent on nourishing the most important relationship you'll ever have- the relationship with yourself- to finally be able to look inward, refine and rebuild the _you_ that you once had.

The acknowledgement and the journey of self-discovery may be one of the most painful to have to recognize openly, but once a person has the courage to admit it- only then does your heart embrace the real love that's sure to happen.

"Arizona," Callie said softly in an earnest voice. "I care about you a lot and in some way...I'll always love you, no matter what happens between us now- "

"But?" Arizona demanded, cutting Callie off mid-sentence. "And don't you dare give me some half-assed _it's not you, it's me speech_." She finished, irritably, as if in an afterthought of a final warning.

Internally, Arizona was trying to locate her courage, she no longer knew what to expect. A moment ago, in the middle of their couples therapy, she was so sure in their relationship and in love with the idea of them starting over as the new people they now were. She was strongly confident in them to withstand the test of time given everything they'd gone through together and for one another. She'd felt like they were finally doing some of the work, making progress that was long overdue in the restrengthening of the foundation of them as a couple. She even had newfound faith in their love for each other; a faith which Callie had played a role in solidifying within her the night before, it was the kind of love Arizona had always wanted and knew she would one day have- she'd found it in Callie. She was it for her, and although there may have been plenty of women before Callie- there would never be any other woman after her. Arizona wholeheartedly believed this was going to be the beginning of the new phase in their relationship, little did she suspect- it would be the beginning of the end and she soon found: she hated the way it made her feel now.

She hated the disregard in which Callie ignored her feelings and dismissed her thoughts on the matter. She hated the way in which Callie had walked out on her without so much as allowing a single form of objection on her part, but most of all- she hated how blindly she had laid her heart out in the open for Callie by letting her in. She'd held her hand and led her deep into the darkness of where she hid by giving her the parts of herself she swore she'd never give to anyone else; not after the loss she had endured with the absence of both Tim and Nick. Callie knew everything there was to know about her- even the parts Arizona would rather forget, and yet she still ran from her...after she promised she wouldn't.

_'Don't. Ever. Leave. Promise me that, right now.'_ She thought back to when she'd first spoken the words to Callie and how she in turn had promised with sincerity. _'I'm not going anywhere, I promise.'_

Arizona felt truly at fault for the vulnerability displayed in front of Callie and for the loss of power on her part for having given Callie the ability to hurt her by practically handing her the knife. She'd stupidly shown her where to cut the deepest and swiftest in her heart, and in the process, how to painfully crush her soul. It scared her to realize just how angry she was at Callie and it hurt Arizona even more to lash out at her in the same rhythmic beating of rage.

Callie turned her head sideways, rolling her eyes slightly before dropping her gaze to the ground beneath them. "God, Arizona." She muttered under her breath. "Maybe...maybe we should talk about this elsewhere? Like- "

"Nuh-uh." Arizona shook her head vehemently. "No, we're not taking the easy way out anymore. We did enough of that in the past and look where it's finally got us. I want to talk about this now. I need to talk about this now."

Arizona was met with a deafening silence as Callie remained in place, unmoving and unwillingly to look her in the eyes.

She scoffed, unfolding her arms from underneath her chest, taking a step forward. "You're gonna have to try harder, Callie."

Callie heard the sound of Arizona's heels against the pavement before feeling her closer in proximity. Her heated glare breaking through the cold of the Seattle weather as her icy, blue eyes challenged Callie to look at her.

"Okay." Callie agreed silently, nodding her head in resignation, a small whimper escaping from her lips as a single tear rolled down her cheek and her eyes snapped back at Arizona's.

Arizona shifted in her stance as she came face-to-face with Callie, the glare intended towards her wife dropping in intensity and softening with the recognition of her own inner turmoil mirrored in Callie's eyes, her face no longer able to hide.

"Tell me the truth, Calliope. Are you doing this because it's what you really want or because you think it's what's best for me?"

Callie stared intently at Arizona against her better judgment, forcing the image of her to memory as the worry began to settle in. The fear that this could very well be their last conversation weighing heavily in her heart for the first time, hitting Callie with the full force of impact caused by the decision she'd made for them.

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><p><strong>TBC...<strong>


	3. Preview: Come Back To Me

**A/N: **I know that I haven't updated in a while and I've been meaning to, but work has got me super busy! I will make up for it though with this next chapter. Let's just say that A LOT of writing went into it. In the meantime, I'll give you the song title by David Cook and a snippet of what Callie says to Arizona!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters. It/they belong to Shonda Rhimes and/or abc. This story is just meant for entertainment purposes and I am not making any profit out of it nor do I intend to. It's just a hobby.

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><p><strong>Come Back To Me<strong>

_"__You can always take back the lost parts of yourself if you can find and recognize them." _

_-Jonathan Carroll_

"I want to try too," Callie said meekly, sniffing back tears. "To talk about it, I mean. But...everything feels so complicated between us and it makes it so hard to talk about, or even want to talk about, without reopening another wound that should have healed long ago. I guess, that's what's to be expected when all we've done is use band-aids to cover bullet holes."

"I know it's hard. It's hard to talk about us for me too, but I'm here and talking about it with you. Please, just do the same for me." Arizona pleaded/

"I just...I don't-" She shrugged, shaking her head mechanically. "I don't know what else there is to say. If there even is anything else to say. I meant what I said in there and it's true that I want so much more for you and for me, but right now...I can't be the person you need me to be. I don't know how to anymore and maybe that's why I feel stuck all the time because I don't recognize the person I've become-"

"Callie, just stop! Okay?" Arizona frantically cut in, placing one hand on her hip while the other massaged against the temple of her forehead. It had been a long and straining day for Arizona, the events of the day finally catching up to her.

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><p><strong>P.s. <strong>The glimpse was short lived, but I'm still tweaking it a bit and won't have more time to get it done until tomorrow, sorry! xo- A


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